I hate feeling like this. I hate that the same people and things make me feel this way.
I guess I will give a run down as to what happened. So, Katie texted me asking if she could pick up the water guns she had lent me. When she came by she brought up that we should hang out when she gets back from camp and vacation, then i brought up that she can sleepover while i house sit and we agreed and it was all good.
lmao of course! i was wrong. I guess they all decided to go to the carnival, katie,joanna,johnny, and taylor. I think i am asking to much when i say i wish things would go back to how they were, when i had friends. I know what I said and I don’t regret it but i am sick of being alone. Im not even alone but they make me feel so alone. i don’t even know why this makes me so upset. Things will never be the same but i hate having so much free time and dwelling on this. I just hate that i went from someone’s best friend to nothing. don’t tell me you are really busy but we can hang out soon if you have all the time in the world for other people, people i am friends with. well i thought. i guess i should just get over it. I have tried so much and so hard and in all my efforts nothing has happened. I know in retrospect this is all meaningless. I will go off to college, make new friends and never look back again. It just hurts that i tried so hard and i think it hurts the most that i just wanted to make the best of my summer.
You know it is so shitty that the only person to ever care to see me are Caitlin and maybe cara. my friends from the internet care more about me! they make the effort and try so hard to see me, there are people willing to spend money finally meet me?? i am so happy they are in my life but it feels so fucking shitty. there are people that i have known for less than a year and they know so much about me and i can see them as life long friends but people that i have been friends with years…its like all over now? i feel like this is all so spiteful and angry but i am just upset and hurt. its justifiable. i want to get over this. but i guess i won’t until i go to college.
so there is that